I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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