you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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