My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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