it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
