Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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