so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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