I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
