I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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