He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
