K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
