he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
