i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have fence marks all over my body
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
