We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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