Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
