I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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