Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
