I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
