listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
