You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
