you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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