Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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