Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket

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(860): View more from Connecticut

He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..

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(613): View more from Ontario

She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

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(406): View more from Montana

She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that

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(250): View more from British Columbia

So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....

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(315): View more from New York

That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?

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