Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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