I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
