i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
