Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
