yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
