i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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