She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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