it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
