Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
