Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why didn't you poke me back
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
