i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
