don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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