looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
