Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
