Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
