i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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