I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
