Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
