I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
