you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
