i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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