you have to choose: penises or morals?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
