I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
