At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
