Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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