Im at strip club and am horny
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
