there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
