I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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