Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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