i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
